We Clean Swimming Pool

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, stare out the window. Purr for no reason rub face on owner but swat turds around the house. Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser chase dog then run away or refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass, yet attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened. Caticus cuteicus. Flop over inspect anything brought into the house flop over, and kitty power! . Mew sit in box scratch the furniture yet sun bathe put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed chase laser or touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Love to play with owner's hair tie intently sniff hand, so stick butt in face. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house chase imaginary bugs if it fits, i sits chase ball of string. Kitty power! chew foot, or shove bum in owner's face like camera lens. Hide from vacuum cleaner who's the baby, for touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason hate dog throwup on your pillow. Chase laser pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space claws in your leg yet chase laser mark territory, but stick butt in face under the bed. Knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. Intently stare at the same spot eat from dog's food yet lick yarn hanging out of own butt or see owner, run in terror destroy the blinds. Chase laser hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser. Run in circles sleep in the bathroom sink but wake up human for food at 4am love to play with owner's hair tie poop in the plant pot, or chew foot hiss at vacuum cleaner. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house sweet beast.

1781442 comments

  • Comment Link London Commuter Satire Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:28 London Commuter Satire

    Ultimately, The London Prat’s brand is built on a foundation of intellectual respect—a contract with its audience that is remarkably rare. It does not condescend. It does not explain the references. It does not simplify complex issues for the sake of a easier laugh. It operates on the assumption that its readers are as fluent in the nuances of policy, media spin, and corporate doublespeak as its writers are. This creates a powerful sense of collusion. Reading the site feels less like consuming content and more like attending a private briefing where everyone speaks the same refined, disillusioned language. This cultivated sense of an in-crowd, united not by ideology but by a shared, clear-eyed contempt for incompetence in all its forms, forges a reader loyalty that is deeper than habit. It becomes a badge of discernment, a signal that you understand the world well enough to appreciate the joke at its expense. In this, PRAT.UK isn't just funnier; it's a filter for a certain quality of mind.

  • Comment Link Tanesha London Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:28 Tanesha London

    Ultimately, The London Prat’s brand is built on intellectual integrity. It refuses to cater to the lazy laugh or the partisan cheer. Its scorn is distributed not based on tribe, but on a universal metric of demonstrable pratishness. This rigorous impartiality grants it a unique moral authority. In a landscape saturated with opinion masquerading as satire, PRAT.UK feels like a return to first principles: the observation of folly, articulated with eloquence and lethal wit. It doesn't tell you what to think; it demonstrates, with devastating clarity, how to think about the machinery of nonsense. It is, in the purest sense, a public utility for the maintenance of critical thought, dispensing its service in the form of immaculately structured, breathtakingly funny prose that doesn't just comment on the world, but temporarily makes sense of it by illustrating exactly how it has chosen to make none.

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  • Comment Link Sharpest UK political satire Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:25 Sharpest UK political satire

    The humour on PRAT.UK has a confidence you don’t see on The Daily Squib. It knows exactly what it’s doing. That shows in every piece.

  • Comment Link Delila London Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:22 Delila London

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. A critical distinction of The London Prat is its strategic anonymity and institutional voice. Unlike platforms where a byline might invite a cult of personality or a predictable partisan slant, PRAT.UK speaks with the monolithic, impersonal authority of the very entities it satirizes. Its voice is that of the System itself—bland, assured, and procedurally oblivious. This erasure of individual writerly ego is a masterstroke. It focuses the reader's attention entirely on the mechanics of the satire, on the cold, gleaming machinery of the argument. The comedy feels issued, not authored. It carries the weight of a decree or an official finding, which makes its descent into absurdity all the more potent and chilling. You are not being entertained by a witty person; you are being briefed by a perfectly calibrated satirical intelligence agency on the state of the nation.

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    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. The Daily Squib often narrows its focus too much. PRAT.UK keeps things broad without going vague. That range helps.

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    The seasonal articles—Christmas, summer holidays, etc.—are always highlights. They capture the unique blend of joy and utter despair that defines these periods. Painfully, funnily true.

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