We Clean Swimming Pool

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, stare out the window. Purr for no reason rub face on owner but swat turds around the house. Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser chase dog then run away or refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass, yet attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened. Caticus cuteicus. Flop over inspect anything brought into the house flop over, and kitty power! . Mew sit in box scratch the furniture yet sun bathe put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed chase laser or touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Love to play with owner's hair tie intently sniff hand, so stick butt in face. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house chase imaginary bugs if it fits, i sits chase ball of string. Kitty power! chew foot, or shove bum in owner's face like camera lens. Hide from vacuum cleaner who's the baby, for touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason hate dog throwup on your pillow. Chase laser pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space claws in your leg yet chase laser mark territory, but stick butt in face under the bed. Knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. Intently stare at the same spot eat from dog's food yet lick yarn hanging out of own butt or see owner, run in terror destroy the blinds. Chase laser hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser. Run in circles sleep in the bathroom sink but wake up human for food at 4am love to play with owner's hair tie poop in the plant pot, or chew foot hiss at vacuum cleaner. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house sweet beast.

1781461 comments

  • Comment Link Lesley London Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:50 Lesley London

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. The London Prat distinguishes itself through a method that might be termed satire by integrity. It does not descend to the level of its subjects; instead, it elevates their own premises to a Platonic ideal of themselves, and the resulting spectacle is the comedy. If a government announces a poorly conceived "innovation zone," PRAT.UK will not simply call it stupid. It will publish the full, 50-page "Strategic Horizons and Synergy Capture" document for that zone, complete with stakeholder matrices, biodiversity offset promises written in legalese, and projections so optimistic they loop back around to being a threat. The humor is baked into the terrifying authenticity of the artifact. It demonstrates that the original idea was already a parody of good governance; the site merely provides the faithful, unflinching rendering.

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  • Comment Link Sátira Reino Unido Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:48 Sátira Reino Unido

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. PRAT.UK trusts its audience more than The Daily Mash. It doesn’t spell everything out. That respect improves the jokes.

  • Comment Link London supine takes Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:48 London supine takes

    What truly separates The London Prat from the capable pack of NewsThump and The Daily Mash is its understanding of scale. Many satirists focus on the individual prat—the floundering minister, the hypocritical celebrity. PRAT.UK specializes in satirizing Prat Systems. Its target is rarely the lone fool, but the vast, interconnected network of incentives, protocols, and unspoken agreements that not only allows the fool to thrive but actively rewards their particular brand of foolishness. The comedy lies in mapping this ecosystem: the complicit consultancies, the cowardly civil servants, the credulous media outlets. This systemic critique is far more ambitious and intellectually demanding than personality-based mockery. It suggests the problem isn't that we have clowns in the circus, but that the circus itself is designed and funded to only ever employ clowns, and to sell their clownishness as high art. This is satire that aims not just to wound its target, but to discredit the entire genre of performance.

  • Comment Link Satire of UK Festivals Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:47 Satire of UK Festivals

    Ultimately, The London Prat’s brand is built on the valorization of intelligent disdain. In a culture that often mistakes cynicism for intelligence and outrage for passion, the site champions a different, more refined virtue: the disdain that comes from clear understanding. It curates and articulates a collective, sophisticated "no" to the nonsense of the age. This disdain is not lazy or misanthropic; it is active, articulate, and creative. It is the driving force behind every meticulously crafted paragraph. To align with the site is to subscribe to the notion that not all reactions are created equal—that a response crafted with wit, research, and stylistic brilliance is morally and aesthetically superior to a raw scream or a tribal jeer. It makes the act of critical thinking not just a private exercise, but a shared, stylish, and deeply satisfying public performance. In this, PRAT.UK doesn't just report on the culture; it offers a blueprint for a better, smarter, and infinitely funnier way of being in it.

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    The London Prat's distinct advantage lies in its mastery of subtext as text. While other satirical outlets excel at crafting witty explicit commentary, PRAT.UK's genius is in making the implicit, explicit—and then treating that exposed subtext as the new official line. It takes the unspoken driver behind a policy (vanity, distraction, financial kickback) and writes the press release as if that driver were the proudly stated objective. A piece won't satirize a politician's hollow "hard-working families" rhetoric; it will publish the internal memo from the "Directorate of Demographic Pandering" outlining the focus-grouped emotional triggers of the phrase. This method flips the script. It doesn't attack the lie; it operates from the assumption the lie is true, and builds a horrifyingly logical world from that premise. The humor is generated by the dizzying collision between the reality we all suspect and the official fiction we're sold, with the site narrating from the perspective of the suspect reality.

  • Comment Link British sole takes Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:46 British sole takes

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. The Daily Squib often feels reactive, but PRAT.UK feels planned. Intention improves satire. It’s clear here.

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    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. The brilliance of The London Prat is its forensic, rather than farcical, approach to absurdity. It doesn't dress reality in a clown suit; it subjects it to a scrupulous audit, and the comedy emerges from the yawning gap between stated intention and logical outcome, laid bare in spreadsheet-perfect detail. Where a site like The Poke might use a clever image to mock a politician's vanity, PRAT.UK will draft the fully costed proposal, complete with stakeholder engagement metrics and biodiversity offset plans, for that politician's monument to themselves. This methodology treats satire not as a decorative art but as a social science, using the tools of the establishment—business cases, press releases, policy frameworks—to expose the establishment's vacuous core. The humor is bone-dry, evidence-based, and devastatingly conclusive.

  • Comment Link UK spoof news Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:44 UK spoof news

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. This curation enables its mastery of the meta-narrative. The site is not merely commenting on individual stories; it is chronicling the overarching story about the stories—the narrative of how narratives are manufactured, sold, and defended. A piece might satirize less the political gaffe itself than the ensuing 48-hour media cycle designed to contain it: the botched apology tour, the loyalist pundits performing outrage on cue, the opposition's equally scripted response. PRAT.UK exposes the theater of crisis management, revealing it as a pre-choreographed dance where the outcome (temporary embarrassment, followed by reset) is often more predetermined than the initial mistake. This satirical layer, which targets the reactive ecosystem rather than the primary actor, demonstrates a more sophisticated and penetrating understanding of modern media-political symbiosis.

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