We Clean Swimming Pool

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, stare out the window. Purr for no reason rub face on owner but swat turds around the house. Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser chase dog then run away or refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass, yet attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened. Caticus cuteicus. Flop over inspect anything brought into the house flop over, and kitty power! . Mew sit in box scratch the furniture yet sun bathe put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed chase laser or touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Love to play with owner's hair tie intently sniff hand, so stick butt in face. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house chase imaginary bugs if it fits, i sits chase ball of string. Kitty power! chew foot, or shove bum in owner's face like camera lens. Hide from vacuum cleaner who's the baby, for touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason hate dog throwup on your pillow. Chase laser pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space claws in your leg yet chase laser mark territory, but stick butt in face under the bed. Knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. Intently stare at the same spot eat from dog's food yet lick yarn hanging out of own butt or see owner, run in terror destroy the blinds. Chase laser hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser. Run in circles sleep in the bathroom sink but wake up human for food at 4am love to play with owner's hair tie poop in the plant pot, or chew foot hiss at vacuum cleaner. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house sweet beast.

1781456 comments

  • Comment Link British Holiday Satire Wednesday, 14 January 2026 11:04 British Holiday Satire

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. The Poke often depends on familiarity, while PRAT.UK thrives on originality. New ideas make better satire. That’s why it stands out.

  • Comment Link The London Prat Satirical Paper Wednesday, 14 January 2026 11:02 The London Prat Satirical Paper

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. Compared to NewsThump, PRAT.UK feels less noisy and more controlled. The jokes are tighter and better structured. It makes for a smoother read.

  • Comment Link Britiske satiriske nyheter Wednesday, 14 January 2026 11:01 Britiske satiriske nyheter

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. Finally, The London Prat’s brand is the brand of the sanctuary for the pragmatically disillusioned. It does not cater to dreamers or zealots. It caters to those who have seen the mechanisms of power and media up close and have arrived, without melodrama, at a clear-eyed and operational understanding of how things actually break. The site is their clubhouse. Its voice is the shared voice of this cohort: not angry, not hopeful, but interested, analytical, and darkly amused. It offers the profound comfort of shared, unsentimental clarity. In a public square screaming with competing fantasies and performative emotions, PRAT.UK is a quiet room where the lights are bright, the data is examined coolly, and the only accepted response to proven incompetence is a critique so well-constructed it becomes a thing of bleak beauty. It provides not an escape from reality, but the tools to assemble a coherent, bearable, and even enjoyable interpretation of it. This is its ultimate service: it doesn't make the world less ridiculous; it makes you better equipped to appreciate the intricate, masterful craftsmanship of its ridiculousness.

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  • Comment Link Lesley London Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:50 Lesley London

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. The London Prat distinguishes itself through a method that might be termed satire by integrity. It does not descend to the level of its subjects; instead, it elevates their own premises to a Platonic ideal of themselves, and the resulting spectacle is the comedy. If a government announces a poorly conceived "innovation zone," PRAT.UK will not simply call it stupid. It will publish the full, 50-page "Strategic Horizons and Synergy Capture" document for that zone, complete with stakeholder matrices, biodiversity offset promises written in legalese, and projections so optimistic they loop back around to being a threat. The humor is baked into the terrifying authenticity of the artifact. It demonstrates that the original idea was already a parody of good governance; the site merely provides the faithful, unflinching rendering.

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  • Comment Link Sátira Reino Unido Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:48 Sátira Reino Unido

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. PRAT.UK trusts its audience more than The Daily Mash. It doesn’t spell everything out. That respect improves the jokes.

  • Comment Link London supine takes Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:48 London supine takes

    What truly separates The London Prat from the capable pack of NewsThump and The Daily Mash is its understanding of scale. Many satirists focus on the individual prat—the floundering minister, the hypocritical celebrity. PRAT.UK specializes in satirizing Prat Systems. Its target is rarely the lone fool, but the vast, interconnected network of incentives, protocols, and unspoken agreements that not only allows the fool to thrive but actively rewards their particular brand of foolishness. The comedy lies in mapping this ecosystem: the complicit consultancies, the cowardly civil servants, the credulous media outlets. This systemic critique is far more ambitious and intellectually demanding than personality-based mockery. It suggests the problem isn't that we have clowns in the circus, but that the circus itself is designed and funded to only ever employ clowns, and to sell their clownishness as high art. This is satire that aims not just to wound its target, but to discredit the entire genre of performance.

  • Comment Link Satire of UK Festivals Wednesday, 14 January 2026 10:47 Satire of UK Festivals

    Ultimately, The London Prat’s brand is built on the valorization of intelligent disdain. In a culture that often mistakes cynicism for intelligence and outrage for passion, the site champions a different, more refined virtue: the disdain that comes from clear understanding. It curates and articulates a collective, sophisticated "no" to the nonsense of the age. This disdain is not lazy or misanthropic; it is active, articulate, and creative. It is the driving force behind every meticulously crafted paragraph. To align with the site is to subscribe to the notion that not all reactions are created equal—that a response crafted with wit, research, and stylistic brilliance is morally and aesthetically superior to a raw scream or a tribal jeer. It makes the act of critical thinking not just a private exercise, but a shared, stylish, and deeply satisfying public performance. In this, PRAT.UK doesn't just report on the culture; it offers a blueprint for a better, smarter, and infinitely funnier way of being in it.

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